Reason # 128 I hate the NFL: The Man Cave
06. Dec, 2012 
6 Comments
As authentically masculine men have retreated from the public sphere, so too have men retreated from their own homes. They haven’t retreated to the yard or the garage to do work though. No, they’ve retreated to luxurious “man caves.”
A Man Cave can be a basement, or a garage or a spare room that a man builds into a shrine of faux masculinity. It often includes an arm chair, a flat screen TV and several posters. It is a place a “man” can go to be by himself and watch NFL football all day on Sunday. Since the “man” no longer concerns himself with spending time with children or teaching them the spiritual heritage they are heirs to (as nearly all of his ancestors did on Sunday), he can retreat to a room with a mini fridge to drink light beer and watch the NFL.
The Man Cave bears a striking resemblance to a college dorm room, or even Greg Brady’s sweet pad from the Brady Bunch (except for the lava lamp of course). There are posters and mini fridges, as I’ve mentioned. In addition the man is wearing a jersey like a college intramural sports player, he screams nonsense at the television, drinks cheap beer and tries to forget he has any true responsibility in the world. He’s constructed a fantasy world that makes it seem like he’s an adolescent again. Wives must especially hate the man cave, mostly because they are relegated to the adolescent boy-man’s mother and need to fix him meat loaf or tang with bagel bites. What the children are doing and the state of disrepair of the house, the boy-man cares not. What the Detroit Lions do in the third half occupies his mind.
In short, the 128th reason I hate the NFL is because it takes the man out of the family and relegates himself to a palace made of children’s jerseys, cheap beer, and children’s games. The popular culture has told men they can’t be men any longer. That’s sexist. So, men retreat to these “last stands” of their supposed masculinity. But they’re not bastions of masculinity… they’re palaces of adolescence. Sure there’s football and beer there. But what there isn’t is a strong father willing to be a forceful presence in the home for good and the good of his children. He’s more concerned with the Dolphins’ secondary than being an actual father in his own home.
End rant.
Very true.
A healthy interest in sports is one thing, but the NFL deserves not the obsession of any one.
If the NFL was abolished today, I would not even notice.
The man cave is not because of the NFL. I hate the NFL because it’s a pussy sport. College football is more exciting.
The man cave is meant to show man’s dominance in a marriage. It’s his throne while his house is dominion. Then again, the problem with men period, family man or not, is that they can’t show that they are subordinate. E.G. a woman is the breadwinner. Even if the wife is a breadwinner, men can’t stand that for an extended period of time.
If men are trying to show their place as the head of the family by secluding themselves in Greg Brady-like adolescent palaces, we’ve got some problems….
A man cave is not a throne room. It’s a regression to humanity’s very beginnings. It’s name is quite accurate in that regard.
Isn’t the point of a man cave to escape the responsibility of being a husband and father? If a man is truly head of the family, then he belongs with the family. Man is called to be in community, especially with his family. Granted, sometimes we need to go up the mountain to pray, but to purposely isolate ourselves for truly selfish reasons is not manly. It’s cowardly
I love a good football game. A contest between opposing forces and showdown between who wants it most.
But something is weird about taking it to that level. It’s a sport between other people, and you sit around all day talking about the game, what-if scenarios, playing quarterback ref, reciting stats, following the lives of these guys… for what? Reminds me of women sitting around talking about the latest Hollywood gossip.
Something weird about loving a sport that much but never even throwing a football. Instead, you have a fat beer gut and recite stats all day. Something ain’t right there buddy.
In years past, men didn’t excape to their garage or basement for a few hours of peace, they went to a bar and got drunk. Consider yourself lucky that men now want a place of their own in their own home so that they can escape and be kids again for a few sacred hours each Sunday. I work hard all week, rush home each night to play with the kids and read them bedtime stories. I spend Saturday completing the honey-do list so that my family has the perfect home that my wife decorated to her heart’s desires. The fact that I have a small room, dedicated to something I love offends you that much? The fact that I treat myself to a few hours of childhood whimsy each Sunday for four or five months each year drives you nuts? How about I have no outlet leading to health and emotional issues? You should feel lucky that your husband’s only vice is having a small place to enjoy himself. Who’s the selfish one?